And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I first saw you
And it's been awhile
Since I could stand on my own two feet again
And it's been awhile
Since I could call you

Midir had lost track of how long he'd been wandering the city streets, though he was fairly certain that he'd been out since before the rain had started. Hands deep in pants pockets, coat collar turned up in a vain effort to keep some of the wetness out, there wasn't one inch of him that wasn't water logged by now. He just walked without a real direction. Just moving to kill time, trying to delay against the inevitable return to home. If he was even welcome there any more. He snorted softly, head down, strands of wet, silvery blonde hair plastered to his face, shoulders and back. Not really paying attention to his surroundings made it ever so easy for him to miss the way the path went from smooth pavement to unstable gravel. To anyone watching from a distance it was like watching a puppet having it's strings cut. His boot soles failed to grip on the small stones and he simply toppled over. Acting on basic instinct, his hands jerked out of his pockets to halt his fall and bare palms smacked into the ground. Swearing, he got back to his feet, mind registarting that there had been a clattering of something plastic. A quick pat against one leg and a look around revealed his cell phone laying on the ground and being spattered with rain drops. He scooped it up. Maybe a quick call home? Dull, green eyes looked at the little screen before he flipped the phone shut again. A phone call wouldn't be good right now. No real ideas as to why, but it didn't seem like a good idea.

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means

And it's been awhile
Since I could say that I wasn't addicted
And it's been awhile
Since I could say that I love myself as well
And it's been awhile
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do
And it's been awhile
But all that shit seems to dissapear when I'm with you

More time passed, the only real change in the setting being that the rain fell more heavily and grew colder. By now Midir's hands were growing icily cold and a cup of coffee seemed like a plan. But that required money and money was something he didn't have with him. Stupid really, how he's just pulled on his coat and fled, but getting out of the house seemed to be about the only way to keep himself in one peice. Still, he really, really wanted that coffee. With cream and sugar. Lots of sugar. Maybe even French Vanilla. He liked that. Really, he was a caffine addict of the highest order, but right now it would just be something to warm him. Something hot and sweet and oh so good. That little thought sparked another, though it had very little to do with coffee and everything to do with the reason he was wandering around like a lost soul. Or he was pretty sure it was the reason. He didn't really want to probe his memories to figure it out at this time. A loud chirping brought him crashing back to reality. His phone. He dragged it out with numb fingers. "Yeah?" A woman's voice on the other end. Yelling and demanding to know where the hell he was. He winced when a particularly loud word blasted at his ear. "I'm out." Pause. "I told you, I was going for a walk." More yelling. "No, damn it. I am not coming home yet. I don't want to." That didn't go over too well. "Hey, I'm not the one being all pissy and screaming." Nor did that. "I did not start this fight. Don't you dare go trying to blame it on me." She was saying something and he wished she would just shut up. But no, she kept talking and the more words she said, the more the grip he had on his anger slipped away. "The hell I did! I put every damn thing I used back where it belonged. " That was met with an arguement which was all it took to push him over the brink. "You know what?! Fuck you! I am sick of this. Yeah, I used your fucking equipment, but I put it all back. And now you're telling me that I stole it? Fuck you! Just fuck you!" She screamed incoherent words, he really wasn't sure what, and it was followed by words a little more calm. Not compleately unexpected but no less shocking. He took a second to collect himself and then answered. "Fine. Whatever. You won't have to worry yourself about it anymore." Pause and listen. "Why? Because I'm not coming back, that's why. Oh, don't worry yourself Mother, and I'm sure you won't, I'll be fine. Nice talking to you." And with that he hung up. What the hell would he do now? There was no going back. No money for coffee and now no home. The phone twittered again, but he didn't answer. Raking a hand back through water slicked locks he sank down to sit on the curb and think.

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and fucked things up again.

Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day

He had no idea how long he sat there, head in his hands and trying to come up with ideas. A loner and social oddball all his life, there were few people that he could go to. Most he had angered or forcefully distanced at some point and right now that wasn't something that he wanted to risk being brought up. After all, he'd just made the biggest move ever. It was one thing to sever ties with friends, but with family? "Nice going Midir", he muttered, "Way to think straight and be in control. You're fucked now, boy." Why couldn't he go just one day with out a fight?

And it's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been awhile
Since I've said I'm sorry
And it's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face
And it's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste.

More time passed and the light went from dismal gray to black. Night time now. But Midir just sat there. He couldn't even feel his fingers anymore, his lips were tinged with blue and he was mad at himself. Everytime he caught a glimpse of himself in the puddle at his feet he would move so that his boot disturbed the water. There was no going back anymore. By this time, all his things would be out on the curb, unless he was lucky and one of his siblings got to them first. A neon light caught his attention for a moment. A coffee shop sign. He studied it longingly. Hot, sweet, reviving. And there was that other thought again. More of a memory really. Hot, sweat slicked skin against his, sweet perfume and the life giving feel of her in his arms as the sheets tangled around them. He groaned and scrubbed numb hands over his face. She'd been so, so good. Desh.... He didn't even remember why he'd ever left her, why he'd gone back home. She'd offered to let him stay, to help him get a job and he'd turned her down. "Idiot!," he hissed "You fuck up everything!"

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem to be I know it's me
I can not blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me

He laughed, dryly, despite all the moisture. No one to cast blame on but himself this time. Well, maybe The Bitch, but then again, had he just kept his temper, he'd be home with that coffee. His father would be sad when he found out what had happened. A hard yank on blonde hair. "Your own damn fault, idiot. Never thinking things through." He slumped forward, elbows on knees and chewing his lip. A soft voice behind him jolted Midir from his thoughts. "Hello, love." He scrambled to his feet, exhaustion and cold making him move like a drunk. Even after a minute of staring, his mind just didn't want to beleive what he saw. "Desh? Deshwitat??" Deep blue eyes watched him as she nodded once. "H..how? Th...thought you were in Eur...europe." Damn, the cold was really setting in and he didn't have the energy to fight it. His teeth were starting to chatter badly. She just tucked raven black hair behind one ear and held out her hand to him. He reached to take it, but his hand and arm shook so hard that it made his vision blurry. Desh didn't say anything, just took his frigid hand in her warmer one and helped him to start walking. There was a car a few feet away, still running and the rush of warm air when the door opened made his skin tingle. His teeth were still chattering too bad for speech but he looked up when she spoke. "I called you, but you didn't answer. Your sister said that you left home." He managed a nod. "It's permanant?" He nodded again, rubbing his hands up and down his arms and belatedly realizing that he was getting the nice leather seat all wet. She smiled and it was just the way he remembered it. "Good. I need a roommate." His mouth gaped open but before he could talk she put the car in gear and they drove off.
An hour later Midir was standing under the warm spray of the shower, sighing happily as the cold was washed away. Desh was out in the kitchen of the apartment, putting the coffee on while he washed his hair out. He'd just stepped out of the shower and was wrapping a towel around his waist when her voice came from behind him. "I was in Europe. But I missed you, so I moved here." Startled he spun around, his hair whirling around him, some strands slapping against his chest. She just stood there, looking at him. And then her hand stretched out, took his. He followed along behind her as she walked out of the bathroom and down the hall. The door she lead him through was to a bedroom. Her bedroom. Midir stood looking around and taking in the familiar sight of her dresser and mirror, the computer desk, the stereo. And then the whisper of clothing being dropped made him look back to her just in time for her to press up against him as she pulled away the towel. It was all the invitation he needed. His arms slid around her even as she caught his lips in a deep kiss. Two steps back and she tumbled onto the bed, pulling him down with her. This was what he had missed and what he had been remembering. It felt so good to hold her again, to feel her warm body chasing away the last of the chill. "Desh..." She smiled, wriggling up against him in just the right way to drive him crazy. "Brat,' he growled and then kissed her again, hard and deep, his hands roaming over every inch of skin that he could reach. He pulled back and looked her over, smiling. A splash of black down near her hip caught his attention and he took a better look. Scrawled across the pale skin was his name tattooed in pitch black ink. He looked up at her. "That must have hurt." She stroked one hand up and down his spine. "It was worth it." And then she was kissing him again, rubbing her body against his, fingers tangling in his hair. It wasn't long before her legs were wrapped around his waist and she was begging for him. "Midir, please! I've waited long enough for you." A nod, another hard kiss and then he was slowly sliding into her, groaning softly. "God you're so good." She wriggled her hips and he gasped before thrusting hard, forcing himself inside of her. Desh moaned, nimble fingers sliding over his back, her tongue rasping up his throat as he set a steady, firm pace. Soon nothing else existed other than the feel of Desh beneath him, her petit body pressed against his as he thrust in and out of her warmth. He put everything he knew into this, trying to give her the same pleasure he was feeling, kissing her, stroking her skin, sliding a hand down to stroke her as he buried himself in her over and over. It was over all too soon. Desh arching up against him, her body trembling as she reached her climax, dragging Midir over the edge with her. He thrust into her one last time before groaning her name as his body shuddered.

And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry

When he was finially able to move, Midir propped himself up and looked down at her. Desh's nails were still dug into his skin and he loved every second of it, loved her. "Desh," He whispered. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He was petting her hair now, fingers brushing through the short mussed locks. "I never should have left." She shushed him with a finger pressed to his lips and then pulled him down to cuddle. "Just don't leave me again." He rolled onto his back, pulling her tight. "I'm here to stay this time."
Now things were perfect. As they drifted off to sleep, Midir caught the light scent of Desh's perfume and smiled. French vanilla. Very addicting.